Bigger Better Badder Than You

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 23:35:09 GMT

oooo i am frustrated as a mother fucker. for a few reasons. one is the family shit that keeps deciding to fucking reoccur. ive bout had it. how many times do i gotta throw a chair through a window to get my god damn point across? i hate all of you and will never give two fucks if you all just disappeared. um...recent recap: my car is fucked...my motor mount is cracked in half and i have no front wheel hubs. its only gonna cost $200 so thats o-tae and its goin in tomarrow. um...went to hooters last night with jess, clayton and karen. hahaha...got horrificly lost and ended up having to drive up into the white mountains and down the other side to get to the maine border. that was rough. i seriously almost lost my shit. i was ready to freak. clayton decided to bitch the whole way there...the whole time we were in hooters...and pretty much the whole way home. and i finally told him what was up and for some reason he actually stopped. he friggin shotgunned me on the way down there and i breathed in real deep. he did it on the biggest hit he took too. it went straight up my nose, down into my lungs and right out my mouth as i went to say "dude back up your killing me." he thought it was the best shit ever. it hurt like a dirty bitch. ill be honest. and karen is fucked up. but i will gladly ride shotgun and get lost in the white mountains with her any damn day of the week. and jesse is wicked funny.

wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:40:32 GMT

i think im gonna dye if i dont find something creative to do. like ya i could make hemp stuff...but thats only fun for a little while. and i could prolly make some stained glass stuff if i had more friggin money to buy supplies...and the patience to sit there and cut and grind. ive fallen head over heals in love with my tattoos recently. i loved them before just JESUS!!!!!!! i loooooooove them now! jen goes on vaca pretty soon. me and manda are gonna hook something up cuz we havent seen mama jen in forever. im still not back in school. but i will be if its the last damn thing i ever do. now if you all will excuse me...i have to write a mad lib for clayton while hes at work....so that when he gets out of work he can give me dirty looks cuz i frustrate him!!!

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 21:56:57 GMT

im sorry...i have not updated in like 3 weeks. its not cuz ive been horribly busy...cuz thats never the case. i just havent felt like it. so lets start...um...like the 26th of last month i got a call from my friend jesse and i hadnt seen him in a while. so we hung out and i met his friend clayton, whom i guess i went to school with. i honestly dont remember him, but he says he remembers me so..ya. so ive basicly been hanging out with the 2 of them the last 3 weeks. like all the time. i love hanging out with them. its a friggin new experience every damn time. i love my boys. anyhoo. the bake opened. im pretty much gonna do cash stuff all the time now and not a whole lot in the kitchen. thats good though. and yesterday me jesse and clayton went to pins and needles for the purpose of getting jesse and clayton a tattoo. and i was the only one who got one. jesse's was designed by this kid we went to school with who is amazing and he drew him a pin up girl with wings. and its a beautiful drawing and its gonna be a beautiful tattoo. but he has to save up cuz its gonna be at least $400. and clayton wanted the sublime sun and thats gonna cost him at least $200. so they are both waiting. i got "Until That Day I Will Walk This Way" written across the top of my ass. its not my lower back because it is really on my ass. so recap: in the past 3 weeks, i have pretty much lost a best friend but gained 2...ive gotten 2 tattoos to total 4 overall, and im pretty darn happy.

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 20:43:13 GMT

A – Accent: Mainah
B - Breast size: 36B
C - Chore you hate: um...dusting
D - Dad's name: Tom
E - Essential make-up item: Blistex
F - Favorite perfume: Lucky
G - Gold or silver: silver
H - Hometown: Saco, ME
I - Insomnia: um...last night i did wicked...i ended up watching porn til 330
J - Job title: i dont have one...
K - Kids: i dont know...i keep getting tattoos where a c-section scar would be so it looks like im gonna be doin it natural
L - Living arrangements: at home
M - Mom's birthplace: Biddo
N - Number of apples you've eaten: i hate the texture of apples
O - Overnight hospital stays: 2...a while ago
P - Phobia: snakes and clowns
R - Religious affiliation: none really
S - Siblings: id like to say stacey, manda, and nadine...but they arent blood family...erin is but she sucks!
T - Time you wake up: between 8 and 9
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: blue, green, and red
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: almost all except green beans
W - Worst habit: i can talk my ass off
X - X-rays: 4
Y - Yummy foods you make: ravioli and inchiladas
Z - Zodiac sign: virgo

there is some handy dandy useless information

oh my...

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 17:59:51 GMT

yay!!! yesterday i got my 3rd tattoo...boy do i love them!! i got my little bunny with a lil pink bow. its adorable! tim and amanda came with me. amanda got this triple goddess knot thing on her shoulder. to me it looks like 3 leaves all intertwined. but i guess its a triple goddess thing...so more power to her. its nice. i got the same guy i did last time. hes handsome! um...i am so proud of tim. him and amanda do not get along to save themselves. and when i invited tim along yesterday morning i made him promise me that he would behave himself. and he did...splendidly. so much so that he even drove home with amanda all by himself with her in the car. and she let him drive. it was good. i was very impressed. he bought and made us dinner. ya he actually seemed to be enjoying himself. and will came over. i forgot to ask him about my hair straightener but ill call him later. over all, it was a good day. i just got off the phone with amanda. she was tweaking out over her dad not filling out the loan information. i guess she needed it by today. she was acting like it was the end of the world. she thinks if she goes back to school without the information, they wont let her go back. but the most they can do is make her leave for today. her dad is already preapproved for a loan so they cant kick her out forever. it took me almost 20 minutes to get her to calm down. only a couple bad things happened yesterday but for the most part its good. ill take it.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 19:16:19 GMT

ello!!! long time i know...stacey scolded me. thats otae. im a lil confused lately about a lot of things. thats ok too. i drank the other night. with amanda, alex, and amandas friend from work named moses. he bought us smirnoff ice. and it tasted kinda like salty lemonade. so the next time we drink me and amanda decided to get something flavored. so at least that way, ill actually drink enough to get drunk. were both quite curious to see how i act loaded. hhhmmm... anyhoo. me and amanda are going tonight to get my tattoo. and hopefully alex will come. i love him. hes sooo cute. very gay but amazingly adorable. im getting my bunny. with a lil bow. at least i think im gonna get the bow. i think the bunny will be outlined in black and the bow will be in pink. thats if itll cost $75. if having the bow be pink will cost more ill either wait and get it added on later or i just wont get a bow. but it looks sssssssooooooooo cute with a bow. me and stacey did a lil creative criticism on her (her being the bunny) this morning. stacey my lil art director. its only like 10 days til the bake...i cant friggin wait!!! i got all my shirts and stuff ready. im set. alls i gotta do it wash my sneakers. thats easy. timmy i do love you and im not upset with you. i dont know why i cant seem to make plans with you right now. ill get over it dont worry. im out...its hot in here and im bored.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 01:02:58 GMT

lucky for me...timmy and scotty always hang out...so at some point tim will read this. or jackie will read it to him. either way, hell read it. ok. evidently the last entry i left about him raised a bunch of questions. tim, i love you with everything i have. you are the best friend anyone could ask for. and you take better care of me than my own family. and what i meant by me not wanting you to just be a guy i had fun with was im hoping at some point that ill be able to get more from you. i dont want you to be guy thats just a little "stepping stone" to me. its not fair to you. not after all the awesome things you do for me. right now i hope you and jackie are happy. together or whatever you are. cuz i love you both. but one day, if it all works out, i hope that ill be able to be ready for the kind of seriousness i know you have in you. but im not right now. thats how i would fuck it up. by diving in too early. and im not gonna let myself do that. you mean the world to me. you and i are happy together the way we are right now. and thats good. i need that positive light. and i know that you will be that guy that changes everything ive thought about guys so far...specially since the last 2 havent worked out and this 3rd one is lookin a little sketchy. and i just want you to know that i honestly do love you. and one day if its possible and right well work something out.

disclaimer

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 01:38:05 GMT

i have ashthma, a bad back, 2 holes in my heart, and a history of heart disease...damn it my life is gonna be short. why the fuck shouldnt i live it up? if any of you knew the half of what i did and who i did it with...youd think twice.

i want to fight fire with fire and extinguish the flame however i deem necessary.

i want the whole damn world in my hand and i want to be the only one capable of ending it.

if i am a toy, then play with me...but play with me right and you wont get hurt.

power is sexy...and i just came into a lot more power...what does that make me?

ya thats right!!!! one uber sexy beast!!!!!!!!!!!!

blah

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 16:17:59 GMT

everyone think happy thoughts for tim tim...hes goin for his license today. i think hell do fine...wouldnt it be awesome if rog called him and he didnt have to work? then i could drive around with him and his spanky new license. anyways...i am very bored. im at amandas and she said she still feels a little under the weather. i left my hair straightener in the back seat of wills ex-girlfriends car. im pissed. im gonna have to call him and tell him to get it for me. and i know what hell say. hell say if i show him my boobs hell get it for me. he spent alllll of monday night trying to get me to show him my boobs. we went to walmart at like 630 and from then til like 10 all he wanted was to see my boobs. i wanted to kill him. whatever. its cold in here. i hope my tax returns come real quick. tim tried to do his at my house and my computer turned out to be a homosexual and it wouldnt let him. and then chris said some mean stuff. but he always does so...welp, i suppose im gonna go and finish watching spiderman 2 even though i didnt see much of the first one.............

boogers

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 14:36:31 GMT

goooood morning...this livejournal has gotten me in trouble 3 or 4 times now...but i dont really care. i for one have nothing to hide. i met a new and interesting person yesterday. well shouldnt say i met her...i talked to her. at first i was thinking of just telling her to fuck off cuz she was being a bitch but then i realized that id be one too if i were in her shoes. so i answered all her questions and she turned out to be pretty nice. anyways i dont think she believed anything i said so its not really important anymore. im a nice girl. ill find someone better. either way i still have my bestest buddy tim so ill be more than ok. still dont know if he dispises me or what. oh well. im sure ill go pick up tim and thatll be the 2nd or 3rd thing he brings up. right after he tells me what he and jackie talked about last night. i love timmy. i am not speaking to my dad right now. we got into a stupid little arguement last night and of course he brings up my sister. and im sick of it. im not erin. i dont look like erin, i dont act like erin. so why should erin be any part of anything in my life? i dont like her. i dont see her. whats the point? its just added aggravation that noone really needs. and after i stopped talking to him his friend came over and i just completely ignored the both of them and my dad told him i was being "sensitive." welp...18 days til the bake...and i cant wait. im not a liar everyone. ask anyone who knows me. truth hurts...but its still the truth.

jeeeeeeze...

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 15:44:56 GMT

new day same shit...i didnt get to talk to him. i dont know why. maybe he was tipped off. whatever. if i dont talk to him today then ill just keep my mouth shut and let him put two and two together. i cant deal with it anymore. he does not have the capacity to be an adult about certain things. ya he works his ass off. but he can not face criticism. and the criticism is is he is a liar. and he takes advantage of whatever he can. and he thinks he can fix it by "getting the urges out of his system" in one weekend but it wont work. i just dont see the whole thing being any different than before. i cant see him. i cant. i was gonna maybe set up a lil meeting and tell him in person but i know hell be either totally nochalant or freak out and tell me im an asshole and all that. i couldnt leave a voice mail. too much to be said. i am more than willing to give him a second chance but hes the one who has to want it. and he has to prove it to me that he deserves it. and i dont see it happening. and it makes me sick. he says he cares about her and all that. but if hes willing to lie to blatently to her...i dont think its true. he misses her? no he misses having someone there to call his girlfriend. he misses haveing that one up on other girls. cuz he knows girls want what they cant have. and now hes thinking hes one of those things so more girls will fight for him. i fell for it...i was one of those girls. but i will not put up with this anymore. it makes me sick to my stomach at his blatent disrespect of woman. its not that i dont want to be his friend. its i physically and emotionally can not do it anymore. i deserve sooo much better. and she deserves to know the truth. were all human beings. we make mistakes. but a true man or a true woman will own up to their mistakes. and it sucks to feel like what happened was meaningless and like it could have been anyone. to him at least. i dont regret doing what i did. but you know i just dont understand how i have friends like tim and then i have a friend like him. he used to be a good friend. he did. and then i guess he stopped caring. whatever. i am better than this. and i can find better than this. i just feel sorry for the heartbreak down the road to someone who doesnt deserve it.

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 00:30:14 GMT

You Are A Realist

You are more romantic than 20% of the population.

When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach.
You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for.
A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin.
Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

now maybe if i could get someone to feel the same way about me i wouldnt feel like shit...ive had it. i cant deal with the stress and drama of it all. im fun and if your a guy reading this who wants to have fun...give me a call. assholes and liars can just stay the fuck away.

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 22:18:45 GMT

ok so ive decided to call everything off. once i found out he lied and i mean nothing. he didnt actually say i meant nothing to him but you know i can pretty much see. his actions speak louder than what he tells timmy. and i can not stand liars. i have never lied to him and so i expect the same in return. i can not trust him. and i can not be friends with him. and it sucks ssssssssooooooooooo bad. hey prove me wrong. prove to me you want to be my friend. i just dont see it happening.

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 01:12:24 GMT

thats me...

this is freddy mercury....

and this is timmy

tim did the design...and i did the color!!! go me!!!

i think ive got it

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 23:46:30 GMT

ok so i want to have fun with people who want to have fun with me? thats not wrong right? so i think thats why i cant see myself with tim...yet. well you know besides his feelings for other people. i do agree that me and tim could work sooo well. but right now i just want to have fun and tim means too much to me to have him be one of the people i just have fun with. so maybe im at a good place right? you know after someone i care about said something like he did i think ive made a pretty good revalation. i hope im right though. about him being just someone i want to have fun with.

hahaha

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 01:52:51 GMT

its funny how the instructions on how to put a condom on with your mouth is the most commented on entry in my livejournal history. liek thats not something someone can use? i told 3 guys about it and they all thought the idea was ggggrrreeeaaattt. go figure? today was pretty boring. all snow. but i did manage to get a lot done on the cityscape logo for the ladies. at least for my shirt. i dont know if were gonna keep it this way for everyones shirts. anyhoo. ive decided im just gonna have a pink bunny. short and simple. i also picked out a clover i really really really want to get and im only gonna get one. and its gonna be small. but thats good cuz my other two are fairly big...at least compared to me. i want to get the thing on my neck and then something written across my very lower back...like under the waist of my pants. and i think thats it. i dont know what i want written though. i have time to figure that out though. anyways its late (sorta)...im bored...so im gonna go watch mona lisa smile and fall asleep. love peace and chicken grease!! (gotta love the pest)

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 15:54:30 GMT

that quiz i got from nadine is funny....nick is my lucky star? ive seen him once in like the last 4 months. oh well he was the only other guy to pop into my head. anyhoo im watching all 3 lord of the ring movies today with manders. 12 hous of movies...wowzers. we are supposed to get almost 2 feet of snow tomarrow and friday. shoot me. so ya guess my plans for tomarrow night are nonexistant. i hate snow. im only getting $450 back for taxes...and they took almost $900 out to begin with. o well. its $450 i really really really really really need. i miss people. i had the worst pain in my side all night. but it was in the wrong side. ?????????????

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 02:15:12 GMT

what the fuck?!?!?!?! im sorry to who ever the fuck hates me so but please just stop fucking with me i cant fuckin take it anymore!!!! i can mess shit up perfectly fine by myself i dont need you. and it was going so well....thanks a fuckin bunch...i swear if the shit hits the fan like last time.....

sweet merciful jesus...kill me now

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 13:37:08 GMT

ok so i woke up at 430 with the most agonizing pain ive ever been in. it went along the very base of my back and now BOTH sides now. which is scary cuz its never done that. so i guess that means somthing. anyway i woke up and was sobbing and i couldnt move and i could only lay on my stomach. but i didnt feel the need to pee. and then all the sudden at 8 i had to pee soooooooo bad. so i got up fully expecting to pass one but i didnt. and so now im sad. i thought i was gonna get one over with. i went through allllll that for nothing? my tattoos were like 1/3 of the pain i felt this morning. im so sore right now. im going out later...i hope that doesnt happen on the road. i dont want to scare amanda if i start freaking out. i dont want her to freak out and want to take me to the hospital. so i guess thats it.

its my world...why am i the only one not having fun?

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 20:00:57 GMT

ARG!!!!!!! i dont know whats going on!! i hate being in the dark!! i know it doesnt concern me but it still sucks not knowing! im goin to see amanda tonight and im getting ravioli and garlic bread and im gonna make her dinner. and in return shes gonna give me a massage cuz my backs all cramped up... gosh i love comfort food...if i could eat ravioli every day and not get sick of it i think id be in better moods. but maybe im wrong... either way im gonna go contact timothy

cheers to old friends

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 16:31:05 GMT

hello...last night i hung out with a friend whom i havent seen in a long time. and we had a lot of fun. i dont see him...like ever but hopefully we can fix that. me and tim fixed my horn and lighter in my car. my fuse was dead. well really tim fixed it becuase i was looking at the little diagram all wrong. anyways. my doctors appointment is on monday. im still really nervous. its ok though cuz i think ive been a considerable amoutn less stressed the last few days. and i havent really felt sick so i mean thats a good sign right? still havent passed a stone. oh well. i gotta go cuz my pizza is almost ready. hopefully tomarrow or sunday ill have something happy to post. cross your fingers for me!

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 00:50:47 GMT

i forgot the funny stuff of today...me and tim tim went and got $10 worth of gas at the mobile in scarborough...and paid entirely in quarters and dimes. tee hee hee. then we went to mcdonalds on the way to the lily moon and got 4 double cheese burgers, a small fry, and a small fruitopia...and paid in dimes and one single dollar bill. and the lady at the window didnt even count out the dimes in our lil baggy. shes very trusting.......

my ulcer feels ok i guess. i have an appt monday and im scared. what if i get bad news? like it doubled in size or is cancerous? i know its not good to sit here and be negative but im really scared...

jesus jump up christ

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 22:19:58 GMT

my car officially sucks. its a nice car. and reliable as far as engine performance is concerned. but i now have no horn for some reason and my back speakers went out again. and the god damn audio place has had my fuckin $300 deck for almost 3 1/2 weeks now and im gonna freak out. i want my nice one back. this piece thats in there now is horrible. whatever. i learned a lesson though. not with the car and all that. but with people. i guess i had to ruin something to learn it but at least a little something came out of it right? lets hope i didnt ruin it all. i am gonna come up with code words for important stuff. i cant keep it in. if i cant talk about it thoroughly then i need to get it out some other way. but i did learn a lesson. and jackie...dont listen to anyone else...you are not worthless and shes fuckin ugly. and frankly hard of hearing. i got a paycheck this morning! from toys! and it was for $36.44. and i needed $35 for my reenstatement fee! and the lady at the bank didnt charge me for a money order!!! and so now i have the money for my thing and i didnt even have to bum it off someone else!!! hung out with timmy today...again...hes a good kid. he told me that they discussed the situation and i guess both agree everything is gonna be ok. that warmed my heart a couple of degrees. but you know its still hard. and its gonna be hard for a very long time. i want to get a tattoo with my tax return. i want my clovers. i dont want to pay $75 for each though cuz they are gonna be tiny. maybe ill cut a deal with the guys cuz i mean i got 3 of my friends to go there. cross your fingers for me!!!

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 16:11:04 GMT

uuuummm...really bored...im gonna hang out with tim and his sister in a little bit...were gonna go shopping...or trista is anyways. must be nice. anyhoo...still bumming...still under the silent treatment. shoot me. tim made his logo for cityscape and trust. and now i think hes working on scotts for goods. now i gotta come up with one for me. he came up with something the other day and i dont remember what it was. im dying!!!!!!!!! i cant deal with the silent treatment!!!!!!! anyway. blah. ive learned my lesson. this is as personal im gonna get. its really annoying. well maybe ill get more personal but i will lock it. i swear to god.

playlist!

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 16:49:52 GMT

wwwweee! more songs!

this is part of a song by cake that i really like...but im changing the girl to kid...just let me have artistic license!

"'Cause, I've found what the world is searching for
Here, right here, my dear, I don't have to look no more
And all my days, I've hoped and I've prayed
For someone just like you to make me feel the way you do
Im never gonna give you up
No Im never ever gonna stop
Stop the way I feel about you
(Kid) I just can't live without you
Im never ever gonna quit
'Cause quittin just ain't my shit
Gonna stay right here with you
Gonna do all the things you want me to do now"

oh jeeze...here it is the best way to sum up how i think this whole thing is gonna turn out...and yes...i cried over this song...its another cake song called "friend is a four letter word"

"When I go fishing for the words
I am wishing you would say to me,
I'm really only praying
That the words you'll soon be saying
Might betray the way you feel about me.

But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word. "

yet another cake song called "you turn the screws" i love it and it makes me sad but everything makes me sad now so whatever:

"You twist the knife,
Then go home to kiss your wife,
A bigger better slice,
Is what you like,

You kick the sand,
You get the upper hand,
You sell it to Japan,
It's natural,

Punk rock,
Red white and blue,

You turn the screws,
It's what you choose to do,
You think that I,
Must turn them too,

You think that I,
Must be so satisfied,
I stay inside,
I wonder why,

And the cement,
Makes or gets him, already,
One good time at a time,

They're pouring it slowly and steady,
You're showing me where I can sign,
What I can expect to find,

But how can you say,
You'll be happy,
When you turn the screws,

You turn the screws,
Is what you choose to do,
You turn the screws,
Is what you choose to do,

You think that I,
Must turn them too,

You turn the screws,
Is what you choose to do,
You turn the screws,
Is what you choose to do,

You turn the screws"